Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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