so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
