I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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