Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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