And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I want her autograph on my taint
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
