Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
