Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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