I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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