he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
