I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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