dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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