Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
