Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
