I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
