Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
