the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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