Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
