thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
