Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Buhtt sex?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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