I think I died a long time ago.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
