dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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