I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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