So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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