I'm laying in your front yard are you home
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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