So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
