I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
