Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i think my cat just said my name.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
