I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
