Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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