she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
how does that bad decision feel?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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