Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
