I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
