my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
