For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
