that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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