Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
