On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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