Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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