Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
