I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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