It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
