Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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