I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
