Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
