ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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