He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
