In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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