New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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