you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
