i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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