my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I am midnight drunk by noon
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
